not entirely right

written on 4 march 2019

Cleptomaniac!
What’s that?
Someone who loves stealing
I only like stealing things that would otherwise be thrown out
Freemantler!
What’s that?
Someone who steals things not worth stealing
The candy that’s spilled over the self serve bins
A pack of gum here
A new charger there
I’ll stop after the next to nothing silk orange tank top
I swear 
I’m smoother now
Swifter now
I know where the cameras are
The trick 
Buy one item
Steal the other
I tell myself it’s fine
Justify
I’m not hurting anyone
Really
Not emotionally
Nor physically
Is it immoral?
I’m mortal anyway
But am I moral?
Thrifty or environmentally nifty?
I drank vodka for breakfast
They would have thrown it out
I said I could drink it
They chuckled nervously
I said it was fine 
You let it sit for a bit in your mouth 
Then let it slide down slowly
Easy
He said that was creepy
Right after he said he was lonely
Was he lonely
Maybe he was 
Or maybe he had kissed too many to feel close to any 
And maybe I had stolen too many to feel guilt for any
The girls not worth kissing
The items not worth stealing
We were both numb
With the secrets we kept
From those close and those far
Ourselves
When my mom saw the picture
She said I was probably just drinking water out of an empty bottle
Probably
She said I was probably saving it to recycle later
Probably
Not wrong
But also not entirely right
We drink
We lie 
We kiss
We steal
Not wrong
But also not entirely right

i’ve learned things

a poem written on 3 march or 4 march 2019 (middle of night)

Your hair looks so good today
They say
I brushed it
I say
You got a hair cut
They say
I brushed it
I say
I love it
They say
I brushed it
I say
I never used to brush my hair
I wore it up
All the time
I still do
Mostly
I used to want it to be straighter
Thinner
But my mom said it was beautiful
Moms do that
I also wanted my thighs to be thinner
I never told anyone
So my mom never said they were beautiful
Moms do that
Now I think they’re beautiful
Mostly
I’ve learned things
Mostly
Everyone wants something
Some thing to change
Their bodies, brains, bodegas
I’ve learned things
Mostly
To want change less
My thighs are fine
I say
My hair is fine
I say
When I put it up
When I brush it
And when I leave it the fuck down
I’ve learned things

Hello world!

And by “world,” I mean my mom and that rando who entered an internet vortex at 2 am on a Wednesday. If you don’t fall into one of those categories – go you! Stay tuned.